Hello, my name is Jordan Hass. I used to get banned from message boards from shit posting as a kid (mostly spamming with multiple posts, instead of editing the original one) and I have been trying my best to be a funny person on the internet with absolutely no success.
Most of the time, I am a pretty chill person, as laid back as it gets. I enjoy video games, watching Netflix (Chill optional) and watching weird YouTube videos like whatever the heck this is:
Growing up with YouTube and being able to write, and even a tiny webcam, I was making a few silly videos on the side. I was happy entertaining people by commentating on TV Shows and writing about game shows. But I have a dark, shady past.
I was once, you guessed it, an internet troll.
To me, Internet trolling was kind of a silly thing, I felt it was a candid camera sort of situation, where you and a friend would goof around until a moderator cleans up the mess (I wasn’t partiularly fond of the goatse spamming, I was more in favor of the goofy kind of stuff like going to a Final Fantasy Message Board to explain my dislike for the series (because to me, it was boring, so I didn’t have to get in character)
Eventually, I even participated in those goofy YouTube commentary things, I talked over youtube videos like a Retsupurae, but I was mocking people dressed as anime characters (many of which probably spent months making the costumes for me to wonder “what’s with the yaoi”? Unaware, it was because I was learning about my bisexuality)
But doing this on the Something Awful message boards had a price – and that price was to make an apology video (I knew it’ll probably be commentated on, but I never ever played Gradius ever) and thus this video above is what you have.
It was the first time I ever felt depressed, like seriously depressed. “Nobody wants me here”. But then it was that day (same day as a nice 1-day probation) that it hit me – I’m doing the same shit to these people.
It was at that time, that I dropped that stage in my life, to begin my writing project on the internet.
Feeling neglected, I really wanted a place to write and give my goofy things, and because places like Reddit and Buzzfeed weren’t as big as they were now. I created a website called “Busy Street” (because Information Super Highway). It was supposed to be a skewer of internet culture, but at the same time, I was writing whatever I felt like writing that day. Anything from impersonating 90s video game articles to writing about stuff you can buy at Goodwill.
But what audiences really seemed to enjoy – was my talk on ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.
Yes, the video above which came after I invited a dozen or so SA members to riff on a TGWTG video, would be the same dumb thing that people gravitated towards. At the time, I just started college, and it was a way to help with my anxiety, writing about stuff.
Originally, the idea was to just say that TGWTG was nothing more than “Irate Gamer” ripoffs, because at the time everybody was mocking Chris Bores aka “Irate Gamer” because he was doing the Angry Reviewing schtick (then again, in High School, I was angry reviewing Anime, so I guess I’m a hypocrite, whoops.)
I reviewed Kickassia, I reviewed Suburban Knights. I talked about a few reviewers and called them all the teenage edgelord terms like “fag” “retarded”, etc. I was, for lack of a better word, not very nice. I got blocked by various reviewers, and I really do not blame them. I was really mean, and I never even knew the guys. We could have been good friends and not even know it!
But the site was Angry Reviewing the Angry Reviewing website (and just about everybody else who did that thing in the late 2000s), but I was surrounding myself with people telling me “how great it is” and “how honest I was”.
And while I was honest in most of my reviews – “it’s a character they play, they aren’t being who they really are, my big fear is people saying movie sucks because The Angry Movie Man said so instead of actually watching the movie to find out”.
I too, became a character.
I had to portray this man who was dropping these almost scathing heel-promos because of people like Welshy (who later included my likeness in a video, and somehow that wound up getting me an IMDb page, Not a single college project up there, but my face on a video, yes).
It was getting old on my psyche. I needed to stop. I did not want to damage these reviewers, the same way I was damaging the people in my commentary videos. It was one of those times when I wish I could just have said “look, you can like whatever, there is so many options out there” and instead wen’t “lol don’t like it don’t watch it is bullshit am i right? he he he”
I was poking fun at the personal life of an Internet reviewer named Noah Antwiller aka “Spoony” and his relationships and fandom. I never knew the guy, but you assume you do, because he makes videos. There are actual people who actually know him, and they should be the ones complaining about him, not some jackass with a low-end DSL line.
A ton of people mock reviewers and commentators, and that is I suppose part of the system now. Linkara says “Ad Block is ruining people”, but then we saw the rise of places like Patreon and Kickstarter and that eased some of the pain.
I, myself, never owned a Patreon, because I am not that big of a name, I’ve tried to make pretty sure that when I drop and move on, that I leave everything behind, except those I really care about. I’ve had friends who have been with me for a decade and can tell you the story, and also the enemies who I’m sure will revise my point to say something else. (Also, sorry, I am not “playing the victim” to earn the shill-bucks)
So let’s just say that a nice group of people, famous for making Zoe Quinn’s life a living hell last year and helped create “GamerGate” that we’ve come to know and loathe (This isn’t an argument for/against gamergate, I wrote about that here)
And what they are planning on doing is simply posting pictures of myself and impersonating me and saying what I normally hear from people who graduated from Strawman 101 – call names and hope it works (now “Hipster” isn’t that bad, that was my personal blog, Hipster Jordan’s Garbage Emporium), but then you get into the “cuck” and “sjw” and all these weird red-pill MGOTW terminology and it’s kind of… awkward?
The reason I am so confused is I really don’t understand why the sudden attack on me? Aside from the fact that most of these people have been “followers” of my work on BusyStreet, and that closed down half a decade ago… there really isn’t much I can think of that would piss them off?
Is it because I gave forgiveness to a person who was also a commentator mocking teenagers and children? And therefore “learned the error of my ways”?
Was it because I “became an evil Social Justice Warrior” because I actually believe in feminism, and maybe not being a shitty person to women online?
Or is it just because out of boredom, and all the targets you could possibly come up with – I am the one that deserves it the most… the “troll” that became good.
I’m glad to know I’m somebody’s icon on skype for a conversation about Gamergate… Do people who are for the “ethics in game journalism” turned “EVERYTHING IS AN SJW CONSPIRACY TO MAKE EVERYTHING MORE ETHNIC AND GAY” actually know who I am?
Let alone, would they care?
I admit, it’s very scary, because I’ve seen the damage this behavior leads, and the lives it has ruined. But coming from a person who enjoys problematic shows like South Park, and believes that there is room in life for guns-a-blazin dude with hot chicks next to walking simulator 2016.
I just saw it as neo-conservatism vs progressiveness, because politics are always a hot button topic that’s ripe for arguments and drama.
And I know what many of the “victim blaming” responses could be.
“Well you shouldn’t have been on social media”
It’s how I keep in contact with all my friends from across not just America, but the world.
“Well you probably deserved it for all the shit you’ve done”
Probably, but what makes what’s going on right now any different than the shit I’ve done?
“You’re an SJW, why would anybody believe you”
The same reason some people believe Rush Limbaugh and tune-in every morning.
“Well Negative Publicity is Still Publicity”
Not if it’s to hijack twitch chats for live streams (I mean I get maybe 2-3 people, and if 10 people show up, I get the feeling there is a problem)
I know for a fact, barely anybody is going to read this. I’m a white, cis male being attacked on the internet because I am an easy target for a group of people upset that I wouldn’t want to get involved with a group who wants people with mental health problems to inflict self-harm or commit suicide on livestream.
The ones that would, do so because they love Internet Drama. I’ve been there too, even during this gator nonsense. So-and-so said this, such-and-such posted that…. and this, this is just one more of those, but it’s more personal, because it’s me and my reputation. It’s a very dangerous and sociopathic view of the world if you want people to be just as sad and miserable as you (“but i’m smiling” you might say, “it’s top kek” as you wonder why you have to pretend to be somebody you’re not just to get rid of the stereotype that nerds are losers and virgins)
I’ve become the very person I’ve mocked half a decade ago, and soon, I might end up being another face on the SJW “Boycott” Toteboard…
Only difference is, unlike those people listed, I really don’t have that much of a talent in doing anything but taking selfies while eating ice cream sandwiches.
I have no idea what’s coming next, but I know I’m going to start being a little more private on social media for the next few months because of it. Which is sad, because I pride myself on actually being pretty-open with everybody.
So if you see my stupid mug calling you a “cuck” or “beta bitch” or “james garfield”, that is not me… that is just somebody else trying to get to me!
And if I have stepped on your toes because of the stuff I’ve done in the past, I hope I can have your forgiveness. Sorry for being a jerk to you. We can all be creative together!
And if you’re part of the “We do not forgive/forget” crowd, there are dangers with Mob Rule.
I really hope that one day, we do end up “without Harassment” and when that day comes, we can literally “settle it in smash” (but then move onto lamer debates like Pirates and Ninjas) or maybe one of those Splatfests?
My final thought is that change is something that is a part of life, we grow-up, we rent apartments, we change jobs, and some of the shit that we used to like, we stop, like Third Wave Ska, or “that emo scene period”. And that if you focus too much on what has changed, you lose track of what you can do to adapt and change with it.
And now to go to my own “Safe Space” that I call “bed”, because I’ve spent a few hours writing this, and damn it, I am not going to bother edit this wall of text… I’m sure most of it is coherent.